As this year inches out through our busy holiday season and we prepare to welcome a fresh crop of days, weeks, and months ahead, one cannot help but ponder the myriad of demands placed on our personal bandwidth each day and especially during the holidays. A recent conversation with an international client of mine inadvertently laid bare how universal this phenomenon truly is, and the price we all pay for the inevitable burnout that follows. The exchange became somewhat of an antidote for the unchecked spending of our personal resources, and I share that little gift with you as you give of yourself towards making life’s moments into memories during the holidays and beyond.
She called sounding all frustrated and edgy.
It was 4:00 am in her part of the world and she had been trying to sleep using some visualization techniques we had practiced during one of our previous calls. She reported that they were not working this time. Upon asking her about the day she had just ended, I discovered it was a regular day like any other. This told me there was no imminent crisis keeping her awake. Nothing overt anyway. “Why then, can I neither sleep nor meditate or visualize?” she said with a bite in her tone. “It had worked before??!”.
Great question.
Trying to force meditation defeats its very purpose. Instead of it helping to soothe and calm, it becomes another thing on one’s to-do list with a possible undertone of ‘I am failing at this’. I offered her the analogy of applying hard brakes to a race car at full speed on the Indy 500 raceway. It simply will not work. Not without a host of new problems anyway. The car must first slow down some. “So what should I do?” she asked, her irritation ever more palpable. “I have been trying to sleep since 10:00 pm!”.
Another great question.
First – Stop telling yourself you ‘have to’ sleep or that you ‘must’ sleep. When the body is ready it will sleep. Even if we don’t sleep at all, us human beings find a way to function the next day (barring any mitigating issues of course). Second – Sleeping is all about soothing the mind (the conscious and the subconscious) so that it works in concert with a tired body. To do that, forget about forcing meditation or sleep if it hasn’t worked within the first 30 minutes – especially if it is only adding to your frustration and irritability.
Instead, do this.
Recall an event, an incident, or a moment when you experienced happiness. Was it your high school graduation? Was it the first taste of ice cream on a hot summer day? Was it a garden party? Did you go camping? Were you hiking in your favorite woods? Did you run into an old friend after years? Perhaps you were just playing with a puppy. The choices are endless. Once you have selected your memory, start going through the most minute details of the event that now has your attention. Leave nothing out no matter how miniscule the detail. As a matter of fact, the more details you can recall the better. Start with the five senses. What did you hear? See? Smell? Touch? Taste? Follow that with the most important element of all – How did you feel? Do this until you fall asleep or the sun rises, whichever comes first.
Simple and inane as it may sound, this accomplishes several things.
It takes your mind off your insomnia or whatever else is keeping you awake. It tires the mind from recalling the multitude of historical details, possibly lulling it to sleep. And most importantly, it stirs up happy chemicals in the brain. Whether you fall asleep or don’t, at the very least, chances are your new day will start off on a good note.
It worked!
My client reported later that the technique worked. Since then, I have had others try it and it worked for them as well. Some reported falling asleep, others found respite from their angst, still others rekindled old friendships, thanks to old memories made new.
If you, dear reader, find yourself in a similar predicament and decide to try this antidote, may you find numerous happy memories which lead you to restful slumber, and may you rise shining bright every day in the new year.
Here’s to rising spirits and a new year that shines.