How did an extrovert such as myself come to dread the end of an extended quarantine?
It was May 2021 and my mailbox had begun to stock a steady influx of invitations. There were graduations, neighborhood block parties, Bar-B-Qs and picnics. We seemed to have finally turned a corner on the COVID pandemic and come July my social calendar was going to spring back to life once again. Life was returning to normal with a vengeance. Time to party. Right? Wrong!
Here is what happened instead.
As I entertained the usual suspects surrounding an upcoming event – What will I wear? What wine will I carry? Who will I meet? – I found myself becoming disquieted. This took me by surprise because in the past such anticipation would actually excite me, and I would have a mini celebration in my head before the actual event. As a matter of fact, I refer to this period as ‘icing’ and to my utter disbelief for the first time the icing tasted sour. Apparently unbeknownst to me I had grown accustomed to the isolation warranted by the pandemic and I did not want to give up the cocoon I had built around me for the last 15 months. I was experiencing a low hum of anxiety within, followed by existential self-doubts (whatever happened to the extrovert I had known all my life?) and soon a more important question arose above the collective din.
What was I going to do about it?
Ever been on that game show with the three doors? Suddenly I knew how that must feel because I was facing three doors of my own. Door 1 – Suppress my feelings and move on. Door 2 – Allow my feelings dominion over me and let my cocoon eventually become my prison. Door 3 – Give my feelings the agency they deserve, legitimize their importance, and partner with them to move forward comfortably. Since ignored feelings grow in the dark and a prison of any kind is anathema to the spirit, Doors 1 and 2 were instant non-options. My choice, however daunting, was clear. There was no way I was going to stay dormant while the rest of the world stirred itself awake and moved on. It had to be Door 3 for me. So, after a few days of stern and soothing self-talk I was finally ready to pose a challenge to the status quo. The next question was obvious:
How was I going to do it?
At the outset I knew I was not going to lay down arbitrary mandates and overwhelm myself any more than I already was, so I came up with a couple of guideposts. First, I would allow myself an easy pace to sort this out. If that meant I had to miss an event or two in July, so be it. Second, I would find ways to make every step easy and fun. The goal was to return to social interactions without any associated (or added) anxiety.
I made my game plan and began putting it into motion immediately.
WEEK 1:
I got into my car and drove around town starting with my neighborhood first, then making concentric circles outward on subsequent days. Channeling my inner Pavlov, I made these drives enticing for myself – windows down, sunroof open and my favorite music playing, I treated myself to a coffee at my favorite haunt each day. I used the drive-thru initially, but by Day 4 I felt comfortable going inside the establishment to get my order. By then I had also started enjoying these little drives so much, I caught myself looking forward to the next day’s excursion (even made little playlists for the next day’s drive). This exercise accomplished leaving the house and interacting with others in small, comfortable measures.
WEEK 2:
I continued the daily drives, except now I had a passenger with me each time. I started by inviting my most favorite family member and gradually expanded to other favorite relatives and friends one-at-a-time. As a bonus, I also found out that Pavlov’s theory is alive and well because soon I did not even have to ask. My passengers started calling me to find out when I was going to venture out next. Talk about your BOGO! This exercise was already paying dividends. Furthermore, during this week I discovered that (a) I remained healthy after interacting with others and (b) it did not take me long to slip right back into the extrovert’s shoes. The latter was a great relief to me personally. Although I was prepared to be self-compassionate if I felt rusty in my interactions, I came to find out I needn’t have worried at all – it was like riding a bike. Small victories are still victories, and as it turns out, a great impetus to keep going.
WEEK 3:
I continued my coffee drives but this week I also made some dinner plans. On Monday, I had two friends over at my place. Tuesday a small group of us ate at a restaurant downtown. Thursday, I ate with a friend at her place. And Saturday a large group of us checked out the outdoor seating at a new restaurant. The idea was to interact with several others in as many different scenarios as I could comfortably get myself into, all the while keeping it fun. It worked like a charm.
WEEK 4:
By now I was back planning for the upcoming social events. This time, the questions that had me frozen in my tracks 4 weeks ago had me all aflutter again just as they used to before the pandemic. Having given my anxiety room to escape I felt lighter moving forward. My strategy had worked and had comfortably led me to the place where I could easily navigate a changing tide. The cocoon had done its job of keeping me safe, it was time to fly, and I was ready. I have saved this winning strategy in my repertoire should I need it as a stepping stone to another change in the future.
Meanwhile those coffee drives continue every chance I get. Why mess with success?
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